Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
