This girl is more easily done than said...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
