There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
