I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
