You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
