Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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