I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
