the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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