why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so let's talk penis.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
