my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
