is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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