My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
