we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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