she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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