Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
