just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
