Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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