Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
