He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
