i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
