im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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