If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
