FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
