she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk is not a location!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
