New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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