my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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