You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
