Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
