Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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