Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Randomize
