so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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