Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
