one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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