I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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