Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
