Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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