I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
