I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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