Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
