He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
