No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
