It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
