No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
