What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
