What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
