I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
