you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
