do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
