She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
