Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
